KLIMS 2013

Efficiency in motion. That was the theme for this year's Kuala Lumpur International Motor Show. Why use that theme, you ask. Well, at this point of time, gone are the days when people would just stick to petrol cars. People have begin to realize the increase in cost that goes to petrol and maintenance of the car. So, what do car manufacturers do? They begin the revolution of improving their make of the car, improving the fuel efficiency of cars, introducing hybrids into the game and bringing EVs into the fray. The result?

Efficiency in motion.

I heard of KLIMS 2013 from Saadeesh who decided that we absolutely have to make a trip there, having heard rumors of a much better motor show than the one that was held some 3 years ago. The first step towards visiting this show was winning two free tickets to the show itself, courtesy of Nissan Facebook group. And what a lovely surprise it was.

The exclusive tickets I won thanks to writing a simple slogan to Nissan

The motor show was held in PWTC, Kuala Lumpur. Spread across 4 convention halls, we entered the first hall with bated breath. What do you think was the first car we feasted our eyes on?

Meet the Lexus LFA. I was pretty surprised when they managed to bring in this supercar. A supercar which was first shown in Fast and Furious 6, it was the very definition of mind-blowing engineering works. The crowd around this car was massive and each was scrambling to get a photo of this beauty. Lexus, the luxury section for Toyota. and Toyota were showcasing their cars side by side and thus, Saadeesh, Chuen Hoe and I begin the view of absolute car pornography. 

A concept Plug-In Hybrid car, the Toyota NS4

After viewing the LFA, we turned towards Toyota first, an appetizer before the main course. Toyota was present with their NS4 concept, their latest generation Vios(which is ugly as hell), their new Previa (which is essentially the Estima renamed), the Camry Hybrid(which was a beauty with the new kit and acceptable interior) and the concept Fun-Vii. 

Toyota Fun-Vii, words cannot explain how the car works, you're gonna have to see for yourself, this fine piece of engineering. 

A quick rundown for Toyota: I was never really a fan of the Toyota cars. In fact, I was a bit disappointed that the GT86 failed to make an appearance here(which would be remedied as we entered the next section) and the new Vios failed, yet again to make me interested with their car. However, I think Toyota is making the first step in front to making new waves in the hybrid car production. The NS4 was simply good-looking and the Camry hybrid was nothing to look down at. 

Next up -  Lexus. 

Lexus showed up to the show bringing the LS460, ES250 and the ISF Sport. And what a beauty each car was. 

The car that caught my attention most was the above, the Lexus ISF Sport. Now, for everyone else, the LS460 would be the car to go for. However, the reason why I chose this was very simple. I'm just too short to drive the LS460. Sitting in the LS460 was intimidating. The sheer length of the car, the fact that I could barely floor the accelerator pedal from my optimum driving position and the fact that the LS460 was simply breathtaking. I couldn't bear to drive a car like that. Hence, instead of going for the extreme luxury end for Lexus, I chose the extreme sporty car. The ISF Sport was just the right size for me. Reasonable length, fantastic interior, sporty outlook and just...beautiful. If I were to buy a Lexus, the ISF Sport and no other please. 

Having finished viewing the Lexus cars, we went to the next section, where Honda, Nissan, Subaru, Isuzu and Infiniti showed what they had to offer. And I was not disappointed. 

The 2015 Subaru WRX STi 6speed manual

I shall be completely honest here. I was never, ever a fan of Subaru. However, the moment I set my eyes on the new WRX, I was hooked. The car looked lovely. The moment i sat inside, my preception of Subaru changed. I expected the car to be barren, lacking in tech but full of power. I was deeply surprised. The new WRX was simply good. A full set of tech, a very very good gear stick, perfect for throwing gears, and the front view. Beside this WRX was a Subaru BRZ [The Subaru version of the GT86] but to hell with the BRZ, the WRX was the car to go for. Sitting in the BRZ feels cramped but the WRX was perfect. Immediately, my love for the GT86 and the BRZ faded. If I'm ever getting a Subaru, the WRX would be the one. Subaru also showed their new Legacy as well as the XV but against the majestic WRX, those cars were just overshadowed. 

Inside the BRZ, the mechanics behind this beauty

The next section was Nissan, who without them, I would have to pay RM5 for the motor show. Nissan showcased their Nissan Leaf, Note, Almera, Almera Nismo Package, Serena, Navara and the new GRand Livina. It was not at all bad though I wished they had brought in their rumored facelifted Sylphy, their new X-Trail and the Teana. Having driven the Almera before and sat in the Note as well as the Grand Livina, there were a few faults but I know better than to complain, having experienced the comfort of Nissan firsthand. 

We visited Infiniti but having seen Lexus, we noticed the difference in quality albeit a very small one. The new Q series for the Infiniti was good but I believe Lexus would be a much better choice. Passing by Infiniti, we headed towards Honda. Honda brought their newest Accord into the field alongside its hybrid concept counterpart. Following that was the CRZ RR, CRZ CVT transmission, EV-ster, Jazz rally and the new Honda Odyssey. I sat inside the new Accord and am mildly impressed by the interior. Still, the car feels a little to big for my liking. The CRZ was comfortable but I would have preferred a manual version. 

The new Honda EV-ster concept

The concept Accord Plug-In Hybrid

The next section that caught my interest was the Volkswagen section. VW overdid themselves by bringing in their entire market range for the show, featuring the new CKD Polo 1.6,  the Polo 1.4TSi, the new Mk-7 Golf GTi, Passat CC, Beetle, Tiguan, Touran, Jetta and the monstrous Touareg. Not a bad range of cars but the one which caught my interest was the new CKD Polo 1.6. The car, priced at a starting price of RM88k was the cheapest VW car you could get in Malaysia. Unconfident about the CKD? Sit in the car, compare it with the other VW import cars and the difference is minimal. This is the car I would aim for..IF i survive the challenge my mother has set for me. [Challenge: I'm supposed to not get myself into an accident for the next two years, passing which I can finally get a new car]

Leaving Hall 1&2 to go for Hall 3, we are greeted with the Peugeot RCZ, which is another wonderful piece of engineering. Alongside it is the new Peugeot 208GTi, the new Peugeot 2008, the 508 and the 408 Turbo. I would say the RCZ was the Peugeot I was setting my eyes on but the 208GTi is definitely something to consider as well. Beside Peugeot was the Citroen section and they had their DS3, DS4 as well as their DS5 for show. Now, I worked in a Citroen workshop for 2 months prior to beginning my third year in UNMC. During my time there, I have been exposed to the wonderful engineering mechanics of the hydraulic suspension of the old Citroen cars. I was disappointed when the DS range did not implement that suspension into the cars, opting instead to go for the standard absorber+spring coil suspension which is now the commonest suspension system in a car. What caught my eye however was the Citroen Numero 9 which promises to bring back the old Citroen spirit into it. Now that's something I will look forward to. 

Perodua makes its appearance in the motor show featuring their concept sedan the GDM BuddyZ alongside a new interior-evolved Myvi and the Viva Elite. The BuddyZ would show some promise if they worked on the detailing a bit more and changed the body design a tad bit to suit the current taste of car-buyers. That being said, however, Perodua does show some promise that they would bring in a new sedan rather than just continue working on making hatchbacks and MPVs. 

Hall 3 also consists of a rough 25 modded cars with bombastic kits and stickers. While most of them made my eyes bleed, they were a small few which caught my eye. 

What a lovely colour for the GTR

Finished with Hall 3, we headed to Hall 4, which was the one we were anticipating the most. And we were not disappointed. The hall was dedicated to the American classic muscle cars which were brought in for sale. And what a view it was. A 30-odd exotic muscle car display left my mouth hanging as I saw classic Thunderbirds, Mustangs, Pontiac GTOs and a final row of classic, superb Mercedes Benz CE series. Simply spectacular. The main attraction which would be the pick of my choice?

Behold the 1970's Dodge Charger, also featured in Fast and Furious 5

Having viewed the muscle cars, we thought the show had come to an end. We were genuinely surprised to be brought to a final section where Hyundai and Ford were showing their range of cars.

And what do you think greeted us?

FORD MUSTANG GT500 COBRA!!!!

I did not expect them to bring in this Mustang which was my favourite Mustang of all time. The rest of the Ford range, however, was rather disappointing save for the new Ford Fusion Hybrid which was quite a masterpiece. The new Ford Fiesta ST felt a little cramp and the Ford Focus Graphite Edition did not raise eyebrows as it was as bland as its brother. 

My eyes were on the Hyundai to end my motor show on a high...and well, it was not that all bad. Hyundai introduced their new i40 sedan and touring models which was very alike the current Hyundai Elantra which is being sold in Malaysia. Hyundai also introduced their new concept car, the i-ONIq. And that was the masterpiece I needed to conclude my first ever motor show visit. 

Hyundai i-ONIq

Final thoughts: I guess this time around, the motor show did not disappoint. If only they could bring in BMW, Mercedes-Benz, Audi and the rest of the supercar range into the show, my life would be complete. But of course, nothing will ever go the way you would want it to. And nothing will end as how you would expect it to end (something I learnt two hours after coming back from the motor show). 

All in all, a very good day indeed. I guess it was sort of a belated birthday present for me, having such a good view and sitting of the cars on display. I shall look forward for KLIMS 2014 with the hopes that I would not be disappointed. 

Pain: The War

I thought, that when I faced something tough..something that I would endure to break through, I would always remember it. And then, when I face it again, I know how to go against it. I know the countermeasures, the methods in which I can use to get through it. But for some reason, this war, albeit being caused by the same thing over and over again, still manages to completely destroy me. It strips me of all reasoning, it renders everything that I have been building up till now useless. It leaves me empty. 

It was always the same battlefield. A barren wasteland, however cliched it might sound. And yet, its not an army I'm facing. Its only one person. The same person. 

Myself. 

Only, the me I'm facing is a lot stronger than me. A lot more violent. A lot more sinister. 

He is my pain. 

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I gasped for air as I fell yet again on the earth, bleeding from the wounds inflicted on my arms and legs. My right hand, holding on to my weapon, felt so weak, begging to release its clench. Pain stood over me, looking at my broken body with emptiness in his eyes. His eyes were like death itself, cold, calm and dark. His blade dripped with the blood from my own body, a result of the various wounds he inflicted on me as try as i might, I could not reciprocate.

Pain smirked as he spat on the ground. "A pity," he said, "I expected a little more fight from you, Andrew. What happened to you? You used to be strong, adamant, full of violence. Now, look at you. You are nothing more than trash. You subdued Anger, you hide from Envy...and now, you wish to defy me?" He brought the blade down on my left arm as I barely dodged the strike. A new wound formed on my already bloodied arm, spraying the ground crimson with blood.

"No," Pain shook his head, "This is even worse. I sense rage in you, but you do not use it. I sense you wanting your blade to be like mine, and yet, you do nothing for it. I sense the very thing you can use to defeat me and yet..." Pain laughed mirthlessly.

"You do not wish to use it."
"You want to defeat me."Pain continued, "with only the strength from that frail body of yours. You thought that you could defeat me without the use of your rage and your spite. How wrong  you are, Andrew. There are things in this world that requires hate, envy, rage and destruction.You might say that rage and envy affects your decisions, but that is only stereotyping it. However much the rage is, if there is logic in the path, logic precedes it. However much the envy builds, if there is resistance and obstructions, then envy will only take you so far."

I struggled to maintain on my feet as he delivered his speech. My mind struggled to find an argument, something to counter his words, but none came. I clenched my teeth in frustration as no words came from my mouth. Pain sniffed in disdain. "You know I'm telling the truth," Pain continued, "You know that deep inside you, you realize how foolish you are. And yet, you do not want to unleash it. Your anger is not from rage itself but merely a small indignation that you can never hope to show. You want to be angry but a part of you doesn't want to."

"I must teach you, Andrew, what it is like to not have a say in things."

Pain dashed towards me, his blade barely missing my heart as he plunged the blade deep into my lungs. As i opened my mouth to scream in pain, he slammed his hand on my mouth, restricting it and forcing me in a silent retch of agony. "No, Andrew," Pain roared "This is what you must suffer when you fight against me! I will not have you screaming in pain. Pain is only for those who go through hardships and suffering. You do not go through those.All you do is shrivel and grovel to others, accepting what is yours and neglecting what can be yours. I want you to know just how weak you are, how foolish you are now."

Pain ripped his blade out of my body and flung me to the ground.

I couldn't breathe as the blade had punctured one of my lungs. As I desperately gasped for air, I look at Pain's face. Of course, he was my pain. He would have removed my sense of pain but I could register the increasing difficulty of breathing and my vision begin to darken. I swung my weapon blindly, hoping that at least, i can deal a single blow to him. Pain carelessly dodge my reckless swing and proceeded to slash the back of my body. As he delivered the wound, he returned a little of my sense of pain into my nervous system.

I was screaming in pain before my knees had touched the ground. The numerous wounds from before begin to make themselves present. The pain continued to build as i trash weakly on the ground, trying as hard as i can to contain the pain. But my mouth would not listen, the screaming did not stop. Pain looked at me disgustedly and threw his blade down.

"7 years. That was how long," said Pain, "I watched you discard everything you once were 7 years ago. I watched you shape yourself into a being where people could easily use you. There was no resistance. There was only acceptance. You would force yourself to carry the burden even when you know the burden is not for you to carry. Why? Why do this? Why do you force my hand? You should know that the more pain you suffer, the stronger i become. You have made yourself into a fool. And fools do not live."

Pain turned around and begin to leave. I wanted to stop him but the pain was still unbearable. I was reduced to gasping as even my mouth begin to tire. The vocal chords within me exhausted till all i could manage was a feeble whimper as the blood pool under me grew larger with every passing moment. I look up to see Pain leaving me to die on the ground...

And then, I died.

To be continued.

Pain: The Prelude

He stepped out of the train station into an unknown city. The buildings towered over him, blocking the already lacking sunlight that seem to not mind the fact it was being shunned by the gathering clouds in the sky. He looked to his left. A group of people walking in a pace hard for him to keep up as they, too, emerged from the train station. He looked to his right. A group of engineers discussing the renovation of the train station which had caused him the one hour delay, reaching his destination at a quarter past two. He had skipped breakfast and now lunch seemed inevitably lost. "Guess its tea and dinner then," he muttered to himself.

He dodged a few people who were rushing to the escalators, frantically looking at their watches, evidently about to miss the train. As he sidestepped a young adult who was carrying a black luggage bag, he feasted his eyes on the city that he was about to conquer in the next three days. Ah. If only he had remembered the map he had seen on his laptop the previous day, he would have delved deep into the city, losing himself amongst the citizens and discovering what was there to discovered.

Instead, he reached for his mobile phone, remove the earphones, terminated the song that was playing and dialed a number.

"Hello?..yeah, I've reached..I'll be waiting at the entrance of the station then..Take your time, no rush/.."

As he hung up, he paused for a moment to heave a sigh. There were many people in green waiting at the entrance of the station, each bearing the University sign at the back of the T-shirt. Perhaps, they too, were waiting for the arrival of someone. As he turned his gaze from The Three Guineas bar which had piqued his interest, he took a moment to search for any map pamphlets he could use for the next three days.

"You finally made it here, then.." a voice greeted him from behind.
"Can't let the holiday go to waste now, can I? I've already given up any hopes on going to Europe..I'm probably looking at my last trip for this semester." he replied without even turning to greet the newcomer, "I'm surprised to see you here though..what brings you all the way down south?"
He turned to face the source of the voice who greeted him.

The man who stood before him wore a black leather jacket covering a grey T-shirt with matching black jeans to match the top. He had a pair of sunglasses on, even when there was not enough sunlight for the occasion. Yet, somehow, the garb suited him. It was as though nothing was wrong about wearing something the situation did not call for.

Henecran chuckled as he removed his sunglasses, revealing a pair of jet-black eyes, devoid of any whiteness or life. "News that you were coming here travel fast. I had made the necessary preparations to meet you here. Even if it has been almost a year since we have met." Henecran pocketed the sunglasses and removed a pack of cigarettes from his breast pocket. As he lighted a stick, his gaze shifted to his face.

"How have you been, old friend?"

He was silent for a moment before replying, "I've been fine and I would prefer if you didn't call me 'old friend'. We do not share that many years for me to earn that title yet. I'm here to pick up where I have left off. To try and complete what I have been building up from last year."

Henecran detected the depressed tone that leaked from the way he had replied his sentence. He took a puff of his cigarette and slowly let it go into the air. The smoke immediately dispersed into the surrounding, the cold wind that blew aiding the dispersion. "I'm assuming then, "Henecran asked,"that you are pretty confident about settling things here?" Yet again, Henecran's eyes pierced his very being, as though expecting him to lie and instead, probing for his heart, where lies were not told and the truth was bared without bars. He knew that there was no lying out of this. He knew that Henecran knew the truth. His shoulders begin to slump, the sign of a defeated person.

"No."
"I'm not confident. I'm unsure. I do not know what to assume when I step out from the train. I don't know and I don't understand what I'm trying to achieve here. I thought if I had the courage to even step here, I would know that answer. I was mistaken. I don't know the answer to that question. I brought myself here to surrender myself to fate. What happens after this would be uncalculated, unplanned and something I have absolutely no idea of."

Henecran's gaze turned towards the entrance of the station. A girl with an empty duffel bag was making her way into the station, with eyes searching for someone or something, possible a friend. Henecran sighed as he began to walk away from him.

"As someone who has always been the one who makes the decision, this is one of those times when I will not make the decision for you. What you came here to do is entirely up to you. Whether or not you succeed will only depend on you, without me contributing. I will be watching your moves, but I will not make any comments on it. You chose this path, you know what you were getting yourself into. If this fails yet again, then the garden will remain a void, a place where only death will reign. If you succeed, then you will have to face death itself when you return. Either way, death will always be around," Henecran smiled as he gestured to no one in particular, "Now go, your friend is waiting for you. And remember, there are times when you must be alone, times when you know you must accept that pain is your enemy and times when you simply just have to go against fate. I trust you to know when those times will be."

And as silently as he appeared, Henecran disappeared from his sight, blending into the crowd. As he picked himself up, the phone rang.

"Hello?"
"Hey, I'm waiting at the entrance already. Are you here?"
"Yes, I'm coming."

Pocketing the phone, he began the walk. The walk to the next phase.

**********************************

He woke up three hours than he should have, the new environment preventing him from falling asleep. As he stretched his arms, he remembered the previous day. He had thought the journey would be smooth sailing but it all seemed to be in vain. The old wound began to open up inside him, searing pain gripped him for a minute as his body trembled with the opening of the wound. As he gasped for air, he recalled the message Henecran had left him.

He endured the pain as he left the room. The wound was still throbbing, as though it was not satisfied with the amount of pain it was giving to its host. He knew his time was running out. He knew that in the end, pain would be the victor and the facade he had kept himself hidden under is falling apart. His actions were to fight the pain but his mind was giving in. For a moment, he blacked out. And then, he returned.

The resurrection he had went through was not enough. The opening play has been made. It was now the middle game. Pieces of himself have been lost, irreplaceable. And what remains will be the conclusion of the end game.

The battle has just begun.

To be continued....

Variables And Result; The Shaping of My Life

Things never turn out the way we want them to be. But, it does not really matter anyway. If everything were to go as planned, I do not think that the world would be a fun place to live with. Is it a good thing to have a perfect lifestyle? Or is it better to be faced with the many possibilities that open up when you make your move? I like to think of it as something you cannot expect and yet at the same time, you know what to expect based on the moves you make.

That is life for me now. Living in an unfamiliar place, wondering if things will go right, wondering if things will ever go the way you expect them to be. And yet, none of it mattered. The important thing, as I realized one morning, is to just live in the moment. Of course, one might beg to differ and say that you should live for the future. There would not be much fun in that, then, if you are going to just live for the future. Life would be just boring.

And yet, deep down, you understand the logic. You understand that apart from living your life in the moment, your very course of action in that moment should also be targeted towards the future. Deep down, you know you are not supposed to screw things, no matter how much you want to live in the moment doing it. That is the way i think. And I am extremely positive that my way of thinking is never going to be the same in every individual that walk the surface of the earth.

If it was, I very much doubt I would have spent the ten minutes walking to a friend's hall and finding out that I had walked there for no reason at all. If it was, I would not have to lose time on going back to my room and switching sweaters because the rain was steadily soaking the current one. If it was, I probably would not have been in the current university which i am studying in now. All these variables, so many of them and yet so little time. What should I have done in the past in order for me to be where I am supposed to be, if this place where I'm 'supposed' to be is not here at all?

I guess that question is what has been bogging my mind every time I'm alone or mulling things over in my head. Would I have done better if the variables where changed? Would I have done worse instead? What are the outcomes? What are the consequences? Do I really have to analyse every piece on the board, every move, every permutation of steps, for me to truly realize where I should be standing?

If I were a computer, yes, that is what I would do. But I'm just an ordinary human with a weight problem, a facial problem and not to mention a social problem. I am loaded with problems and thus, I admit, I would not have the patience whatsoever to analyse ALL the necessary moves that i can take into consideration.

And to be honest, I'm quite glad I did not.
Why, you ask.
Why did you say that you are glad your analyzing was incomplete? Why are you happy over a result you know isn't the expected result because of the lack of time spent upon considering the moves that lead to it?

The answer is simple.
I have no idea what is in store for me should my actions in the past be different. If I had indeed, not enrolled into Sunway College, would I have met the close friends I have with me now, who have been such a comfort, albeit at times a bit harsh, in my life? If I had not enrolled into Sunway College, would I have experienced the pain of a heartbreak?

I do not know. And yet, I do not regret the actions I have taken. I had placed my foot firmly on the next step, never taking it back to change my direction. Even if I do have regrets, I would also have the feeling of regret over not being able to experience such emotions, should I have taken different measures. Maybe, other actions would bring about the same results. Maybe, the other actions would bring a much better result. I do not know. And that is the subject that matters the most.

I had stopped at the 4th paragraph two nights ago and am now continuing it after thinking through the things I want to write in this post. Within that two days, my perspective would have changed a bit. I am more matured than the me two days ago. Thus, when I write this, or type this, I open a new stream of thoughts, a more open-minded stream, which is, in theory, better than two days ago. But still, the premise would be the same; it doesn't matter the route which I took, what matters is the contents of the route and whether or not such a content may occur in different routes.

I wonder what would happen if I had been able to converse fluently in the Mandarin language. I would have probably mixed with a different crowd of people rather than the people I am currently mixing with. If I were fluent in that language, would I have been in better speaking terms with the girl whom I was foolishly having a crush with? I have no idea. The variable in question stands, but the result is unclear. For all intents and purposes, language might not be the barrier here. Maybe it is something else. What if I had been keeping all those grudges I have instead of letting it go and let bygones be bygones? I very much doubt I would still be hanging out with some of my friends, who I have considered to be one of my closest confidants.

Its all about the variables in question. And then again, it isn't. The variables are important and influential, I give you that point but the results that come from such variables being in the main equation also matters, whether real or not.

This is turning into somewhat a case study of myself. I'm turning this post into some sort of experimentation on my own sense of defining variables and drawing conclusions. Yet, as analytic as it sounds, I very much doubt I can put everything I have in mind into typing. I would probably include a few more examples but anything else would be left for viewer's imagination or for myself to ponder within myself.

I think it was two to three months back when I was told that I observe too much. Notice how this immediately becomes a variable in my equation. Due to the fact that i was told that i had a good amount of powers of observation, I begin to immediately realize it myself. I could instinctively remember a good number of cars which were parked with mine in the train station and not only that, I could also tell who were the drivers. I was able to notice certain anomalies within crowds after a mere two days of observation. And yet, I begin to wonder. Would I have such a strength in observation if I was not told about it? My mother used to say that I was not observing enough. Would that statement, aided by a directly opposite statement, help form this variable and as a result, I was able to apply my powers of observation in daily life? And then, the manipulation of variables, the 'what ifs' begin to shape. Would I have such a strength if nobody told me about it? Would I still be able to observe the factors around me?

I guess it really doesn't matter if somebody had told me either version of the statement. The fact that i was having nothing to do at the train station apart from waiting for the arrival of the next train, was already a variable for me to be led to the 'powers of observation' variable. What if, instead, I had entered the train station with a friend? Would my powers of observation still be the same? Or would I have enjoyed light conversation with the friend, be it a girl or a guy, and totally changed the scale of my powers of observation? Of course, this particular question was answered on the way back when I could still observe the surrounding environment despite taking the train back with a friend. And yet, a conclusion could not be drawn. As I have learnt, an experiment does not draw conclusions over a small number of trials. I needed more time for the experiment in order for me to affirm the variables and solve the equation.

Alas, time was not going to wait and that particular experiment was discontinued. However, the variables have been stated and the equation was looking to be completed. Still, as much as I would like to complete the equation and be done with this madness, I know, with my immature engineering mind, that my variables were not enough. More would still have to be taken into consideration and for that purpose, I cannot draw a clear conclusion over this matter.

Typing this now, however, has given me some sort of opening in my mind to further think this through. The post might be heading for its last paragraph but the motion has not been cleared. The question still stands. How are these variables affecting my life? How do they shape my life? Would these variables, once variated, provide a different conclusion that the ones I have drawn?

I will never know. And its because of the unknown that makes life so much more exciting than it should be.

Andrew

The Opening

I wonder how long has it been since I had the time to take a stroll in the night. I couldn't actually remember the last time I did that. Not with other people, just myself trudging along the endless road, mulling through the befuddled mind of mine while I take in the night air.

Here I am, after a long time, the cold breeze that gently caresses my skin as I walk on the tarred road. I waved at the security personnel who was on duty for the night and slowly made my way to the edge of the abandoned land directly outside my house. The road that lay before me was wide and empty, with only three cars parked near the Chinese restaurant. Of course, my attention was not at the cars but at my own thoughts. This was the time when I could just relax and reorganize the continuously jumbled thoughts that swirl in the deep depths of my brain.

There was no full moon yet but it was reaching there. I was lucky the rain had abated. Otherwise, I would not have been able to enjoy the atmosphere now. I adjusted the neck of my jacket and continued down the path. The more I walk, the more I became absorbed into my realm of thought. The slight chill was exactly what I needed to relax.

"You know, I thought you had rid yourself of those sentimental thoughts,"a voice spoke from my side as a similarly built man fell into step with me. "HD, "I acknowledge,"I thought you were off elsewhere already." HD laughed as he walked. He was garbed in a black shirt with matching jeans, making his presence extremely unclear in the night. We had separated ways the previous year and I was genuinely surprised to see him return.

"I have completed what I had set out to do. I have returned once again to your side to set things straight at your end. Sorry I could not be there for the funeral...From what I heard, I guess its been harsh." I nodded as we stopped by the crossroad outside the housing area. "It was a bit hard to take it all in,"I started, "but I've moved on since then. The mourning stage has come and gone, and there are other things that I have to take care now." HD nodded as we gazed at the empty streets. Occasionally, a car would speed past the straight road without any incident.

"I used to think that with you discarding most of your emotions, you would be an empty shell, one without any feeling as to what others feel. I guess, with recent events, I was wrong. You did not visit your garden, I can see that, but while you had neglected it, you did not neglect your other duties. I underestimated you, Andrew. There might be some good in you after all." HD's words were not a compliment...it was merely stating a fact. As far as memory takes me, this is the nearest HD got to paying me a compliment, something I know a person like him would never ever do. "Still, there are loopholes in those actions. Sometimes, things will not go the way you want it to be. Take your garden for example. While you avoided it, I was still tending to it. The previous flower has withered but another has taken its place. I think you do not need me to tell you that it is your duty to make sure that flower stays alive for as long as it can be. We both know that it is not 'that' which is making you avoid the garden."

I snorted. "I guess there is no hiding from you, huh." I sighed as we begin our walk back to my house.

"Yes, there was another reason as to why I had avoided tending the garden. As I learnt the hard way, despair does not always become my greatest strength. Sometimes, it is my greatest weakness. The thought of seeing a solitary flower grow in the middle of a nurturing grassy plot of land somehow depicts a sort of painful memory that I had decided not to recall. But, I guess you are right. I can only avoid it for so long."

"You know what you have to do. The foundation has been laid..its up to you to perfect the design. Despair may or may not be your strength but know this. Everything you do is like two faces of a coin. It can be either good or bad. Heck, it might be both when the situation deems it so. And this time around, I will not be the one to help you with everything you do. I am here, as I have always been, as an adviser, someone to keep you in check only when needed. The rest of the factors, you will have to handle it on your own.."

HD stopped in his tracks and begin walking the opposite way. "You do not need to worry about the others. I am keeping a tight leash on them so you do not have to worry. That much I can assure you. However, there are still others who walk on this Earth. I do not expect you to be able to withstand all of them...but I shall see how much you can take. This is goodbye, Andrew. Until we meet again."

HD melted into the darkness as I continued my walk back without slowing down. Having cleared my thoughts, I think about the next day and the following days to come. Its time to take it to the next step. Its time to step up. Time to take measures for the orchestra to be played. The lines have been written. The notes are in tune. All that is left is to start the rhythm.

This is the opening.

The Garden

The flower held itself high, facing the sun, prideful and stoic. It was a solitary flower, surrounded by the greenery that was the grass. Pearl white with a hint of black around the insides of the petals. A beautiful colour.

At least, that was how i remembered the flower to be.

Deep down inside me, lies a garden. No matter how much I nurture that garden, no matter how much i attend to it, only one flower blooms at a time. And each of those flowers had wilted before its maturity. The garden used to be a sanctuary where I can relax and enjoy a book of two.

Until recently.

I have nearly no recollections about the first flower that bloomed in this garden. Was it a cherry blossom flower? Small, pink but breathtaking if bloomed in the dozens? Was it a daffodil? A yellow bright as light, a significance of chivalry? Was it a tulip? A rose? I do not remember.

I do not want to.

The garden used to be my sanctuary, as I had mentioned earlier. It was a place where I could spend my time here alone, wondering along the grass, gathering my thoughts and organizing my life. It used to be a  place where peace comes amidst the despair that comes.

Until recently.

Recently, a new flower had bloomed together with that white solitary flower. A flower with jet-black, almost charred-looking petals. It was bigger than all the other previous flowers. It was not something I could look at as I visited the garden in my free time. It was almost repulsive. The flower gave out a feeling of utmost pain, a feeling of being burnt. Perhaps its an illusion, a significance to its charred-looking petals. I shudder whenever my eyes fell upon the flower, so much so that I have avoided visiting the garden ever since it had appeared. What is it? Why has it appeared?

I doubt I would have the courage to visit the garden again...what with my failing to maintain any of the flowers that bloomed, what with that dead-looking flower appearing, what with my weak heart. Will I ever get the courage to visit the garden again?

I do not know.

But, while I am away, a new flower has bloomed. Tiny. Purple. But glowing with bright energy. Perhaps, in the days to come, when I return to the garden, I will be able to witness it bloom.....and die again, as it has always been with the others.

Untitled.

A slight glimmer, a slight reprieve,
A momentary shine, delightfully received.

A short pause, a moment's hesitation,
A short plea, ends in desperation.

A promise, lost in the echo, unwillingly,
A vow, made from the ashes, the aftermath of tragedy.

One last breath, one last intake,
One last effort, knowing what's at stake.

One more chance, one more window,
One more gasp, before death takes hold.


A promise, lost in the echo, unwillingly,
A vow, made from the ashes, the aftermath of tragedy.

The words that form, wanting to be told,
Held back in silence, before the people know,

The memories that form, wanting to be known,
Held back in silence, before it scatters..blown,

The emotion that form, wanting release,
Held back in silence, before the already deceased.


A promise, lost in the echo, unwillingly,
A vow, made from the ashes, the aftermath of tragedy.